The Absurdity of it All
One day in grade 6, a classmate of mine got a headache. It got me asking, "why have I never experienced a headache?". I felt abnormal, like an alien. I started to wish for one, saying to myself, "Sana magka-headache ako ...". Neurotic idiot.

Fast forward to years later -- work stress and tension would give me countless headaches (and alarming neck/nape ache, like I was about to have an aneurysm or what-have-you). Go outdoors without a pair of sunglasses, and I would be hit by an instant headache, too.

When I was in college, I wondered why I never had a nosebleed. Again, I felt abnormal, like I wasn't a regular human being.

Fast forward to 2006 -- I've had about four nosebleeds in my lifetime, two of which happened just this past month. Not a pretty sight, as everyone knows. And if you accidentally sniff it ... ewww! I can't even begin to describe that.

Despite being born premature at 6 months & 3 weeks, I've always felt like my body was invincible. Sure, I was sickly as a child (I never forgot that my Kindergarten report card reflected 29 absences), but I grew into a strong teener -- hardly any absences in high school and college.

As I entered my 30s, my body started to show a lot of warning signs of "defective: please return to sender", if you may. Mind you, 30s is still very young to have a defective body, but what can I do? As my husband Joey says, "ang asawa kong premature" (when referring to my bodily defects).

I had an executive check-up in 2003, and it detected, among others, the following: iron-deficiency anemia; tiny cysts in my liver and gall bladder; and multiple cysts in both breasts. Ahh, Marife, you are not invincible, after all. I just shrug off the anemia, quitting taking iron tablets even before I started. I haven't been monitoring those tiny liver and gall bladder cysts. As for the fibrocystic boobies, I have them monitored very frequently -- ultrasound 2x a year, and the torturous annual mammogram which is never fun. All I can say is this -- "Give me a break! I have booblets, not boobs! And for that, the only thing adding mass/meat to my tiny bumpers are cysts? So, my chest is really as flat as a chopping board?!" Oh, well. I've always thought it was nicer having a small chest, anyway, than to have coconuts juggling everytime you walk or have boys AND girls uninentionally stare down your chest.

I will be having a laparoscopy procedure done next Wednesday. This involves inserting a lighted telescope-like instrument through my navel, then maneuvering it through the reproductive area. The thin instrument is attached to a monitor, which will enable doctors to see how things are down there and determine what causes my very painful monthly periods. Lovely.

Of course, this procedure costs an arm, a leg, and your second-hand car. But thank God for insurance/health cards, it will just cost me a Vespa bike (I get to keep my arms and legs). Wait, Vespas aren't cheap, right? Sigh.

So, here I am, bodily defects and all. Again, why did I feel abnormal as a youngster? And it all started with that wish for a simple headache and bloody nose. Now, I've got the whole package, thank you very much.